My Struggle With God's Love

   “God’s LOVE is Like an Ocean; You can See its Beginning, but not its end.”

— Rick Warren 

    People who have followed this ministry know how much I preach the Name of Jesus. I can teach the Word. I am unashamed of the Gospel. I can quote you the scriptures. I can pray down all of Heaven. My faith can move mountains.  Everywhere I go I want to tell someone about the goodness of God. I want to tell everyone about Jesus. Somewhere along this journey, I had to reset my thoughts about who I was to Jesus. I wondered, am I enough? I wondered if I am too much. Could His love contain me in every capacity? 

    Religion taught me in certain Christian circles that if I did everything right that God would give me favor. I would be blessed. I would not have as many struggles. That God would love me. If you don’t believe me, look at the entire book of Job. This thought process has been going on since the dawn of time. The issue with this train of thought is that instead of living by faith, I fell into living by my works. I would get frustrated with God when I quoted all the right scriptures, prayed all the time I thought I should and did everything I was taught to do.  Now, let me say that I will never negate the necessity of all of this. To continue to grow in grace we need to be in good soil. We need to be connected to Godliness and righteousness. It is not the acts of those things that cause us to understand the fullness of God’s love though. It is by grace through faith that I am saved - thereby I have God’s love. (Ephesians 2:8-9) What I have to consistently do is remind myself that Jesus loves me whether I do everything right or not. Therefore I want to live to please Him, but His love is a soft love.  It isn’t harsh like the love of the world. HE is a gentle lover that loves purely and carefully. He doesn’t place conditions on love. There are no strings attached to the amount of love He gives and continues to give based on who He is. 

    We all learned the song Jesus loves me. Most likely learned it at vacation bible school, children's church or for the children's choir. At the end of the day, we were taught that God loves all of us. He loves the world. (Philippians 4:13) As I've gotten older, experienced life and been indoctrinated by the idea that I had to perform for God's love and in this I struggle. I struggle with the idea that a perfect God loves me personally, intimately and exclusively. I struggle with the fact that there's nothing I can do to gain His love. He chose to love and die for me. Because even though I believed God loves us as a collective, I wondered if He still loved me as a separate entity. From a logical sense for Jesus to love me so personally is almost unheard of. I mean He wants everything about me. I don’t have to hide it from Him. I don’t have to run away like Adam and Eve did in the garden. If I make a mistake I don’t have to worry about losing His love like a piece of jewelry. I mean so much to God that He wants me. He is crazy about me. 

    I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I don’t get everything right all the time. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) The good thing about God is that He sent Jesus because of this very reason. Jesus willingly died so that I might be able to experience the love that only He gives. No good parent will withhold love from their child if they aren’t doing everything the right way all the time. No good parent will cut their child off from the good things if they can provide them. God is no different. His love is a gift that He gives. It is only my responsibility to allow the gift to bloom in my heart like a flower. Christ’s grace makes this love available to me. (1 Tim. 1:14)

    The idea makes perfect sense in every way.  At the same time when you live in a fallen world where EVERYTHING and everyone places a cost on their love, you question love. You question how could a perfect God love such an imperfect person? You question why would He love me personally? Will He stop loving me if I don’t do everything correctly? The answer to this question is that Jesus is love (1 John 4:8). He chose to make the ultimate sacrifice to die to pay for my sins while I was yet a sinner. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (NIV) When you read Ephesians 2:4-7, it says that God’s love is rich in mercy and that it is by grace through faith that we are, I am saved. So here I am looking at God like a father asking Him to show me how to receive His love. I ask Him how to allow myself to see His love. I ask Him to let me embrace this love. It is flawless. I don’t have to do everything right. He wants to know me even more personally. Everyday God makes me see that His love is deep, wide, high and long. (Ephesians 3:18-19) Finally I can never be separated from God’s love. (Romans 8:31-39) Knowing this keeps me grounded, lessening the struggle. It’s a day by day thing. God reveals His love to me everyday more and more. 

 Let’s Pray: Lord, I pray that you will help me not to struggle with Your love. You are patient, kind, meek, understanding, gracious, forgiving and everything I need plus more. You want me even if I can’t understand why. Thank you for choosing to love me. Thank you for sacrificing Jesus to show His great love for me. Thank you Jesus for being the friend that gave His life for me. Lord, you are so amazing. Help me to receive the perfect and complete love you want to bestow even if it comes in a different package that I anticipated. You only want my good and not harm. Thank you for giving me good gifts. I thank you for not only giving love, but being love. 

If you are reading this and have never accepted Jesus as Your Lord and Savior this is the time. If you have once walked with God, but you have strayed away, here is your moment. There will never be a more ideal time than now to surrender your life to the One who loves you most. He wants to call you out of darkness into His marvelous light. No strings attached. No hidden motives. He just wants a relationship with you. If this is you please say the prayer below. 

Sinner’s Prayer: Lord, I confess that I am a sinner. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. He died on the cross just for me. I also confess with my mouth and believe with my heart that He rose again on the 3rd day, paying my sin debt in full. He is now seated at the right hand of power, interceding for me to the Father. I thank You, Jesus, that as I pray this prayer and believe with my heart that You have saved me. I receive Your love and commit my life to You. You are now the Lord of my life. Thank You for all that You have done and will do for me in the future. In Jesus name, Amen.

Scriptures References: Ephesians 2:8-9  Philippians 4:13  Romans 3:23 1 Timothy 1:14  1 John 4:8  Romans 5:8  Ephesians 2:4-7  Ephesians 3:18-19 Romans 8:31-39 - All scriptures in NKJV unless otherwise specified.